As a Christian woman, I have found myself pretending more than I should. Mostly because I had this intense fear of failing and other times my elitist perception of being born-again, had me believe that admitting to struggling with things, was something I could not do because I am supposed to be ‘the ultimate’ example.
To make a long story short, I struggled with things, things you can probably relate to but are not ready to admit. I can speak about these things now that I have been redeemed from them. More importantly, I have learned that God walks a journey with us, where He heals, restores and delivers when He sees fit.
I am a real Christian woman, who experienced and is still experiencing real problems, but God’s grace has been sufficient for me and it is for you too.
Here is a comprehensive list of broken pieces, real issues, real ‘spiritual diseases’ God has/is healing me from.
I use to just listen to gossip. In my mind, I was not the one saying the things so I am innocent. Well, before I knew it I was the one saying the things, accusing people to other people. We know how it goes, and then other people told other people. Other times I just couldn’t pluck up the courage to tell the ‘gossiper’ to not stop! Too afraid to lose the friendship. This is still a struggle for me, sometimes the urge to listen creeps in, but I have learned to apply the word of God to my mind. I started meditating on scripture, so when the urge creeps in I have the tools to denounce it. (2 Cor 12:20, Eph 4:29, Exodus 23:1)
It started off very small. I use to lie about who ate the last piece of milk tart that was intended for my grandmother, then promising to attend events, I knew I wouldn’t go to. Small right? Hardly a cause for concern right? Well, wrong! This habit became so bad, that I would lie about things that I could just tell the truth about.
Person: Hey, Tatum did you leave the tea outside the cupboard yesterday?
Me: No, it wasn’t me, ask Lynn.
How did I overcome this? I asked God to show me why I was doing it and for a strategy on how to get rid of it. We’re working on it!
I’d pretend to like things I don’t really like, just to fit in. You know the scripture about not conforming to the patterns of this world? I did that regularly, especially regarding where I went to and who I hanged out with. If I knew, I was going to a place I really shouldn’t be going to, I wouldn’t check in on Facebook or add any photo’s. The Holy Spirit convicted me about this regularly until I gave in. I am now reading more and more about why compromising this way is harmful to my walk with Him. His teaching me how to be me, without the pretense.
Especially to keep friends. I’d sit there silently while they uttered their religious lies and still I would not share the TRUTH. I feared rejection and I feared being interrogated concerning my love for Jesus. Wow, that I did not have the courage to share my salvation with the lost. I had to start from the beginning, simple steps. First, telling people why I choose Christ then cultivating conversations about Jesus, nonetheless. I was someone who compromised.
Ouch! This one hurts. Quick to talk, but either slow to act or never really acting at all. Let’s be honest, our Facebook statuses does a great job of covering up our mess and I was really good at this. Now, If I don’t feel inspired or led by the Spirit to post something I don’t. Done with the preachy posts and then doing the exact opposite! God is not a fan of deceit!
I am flawed, super flawed, but if I have learned anything from the apostle Paul in his journey, it is to boast in my failures. I understand the power of my weakness because I have experienced His strength in those times (2 Corinthians 12:9).
If you are struggling with these things. Know that you are not alone. God can love you through this, just like He did with me. Feel free to comment with your email address below so we can have a conversation about the redeeming love of Christ.
Tatum-Lee is a Born Again Christian, qualified Writer and Content producer who resides in Cape Town, lives on Facebook and reads books for breakfast. She makes a conscious effort to remain on top of the news and is equipped to produce all kinds of content, works exceptionally well with briefs and makes people look Kwaai on Facebook.