Ever been a victim of Social Bullies? Me too!

By: Tatum-Lee

Have you ever been invited to a party or ‘get together’ and felt like an absolute outcast? Or been in a conversation where you are totally ignored, spoken over or the reason why everyone around you is laughing for no apparent reason? Then you dear friend have experienced the wrath of social bullies.

(From here on out, I will be using colloquial English as far as I see fit, because this is my blog and my tongue is tired of academic oppression)

I’ve always thought of bullying in its physical form. For example, in primary school, I was the kid who had to make sure I had enough money to buy herself a Copenhagen as well as the girl who terrorized me, every day. She’ll probably read this,  since we friends on Facebook, just wanted her to know that despite the countless Copenhagen she took from me, Life is great and so is God.

I digress…

As I grew older and weirder, I was exposed to other forms of bullying. Super subtle in its execution, but horrific in its effect. Mostly to the victim.  I have described social bullying as:

“The people, who perceive themselves to be on top of the food chain in our social circles. Primary characteristics include: considering other people’s failures as their success, finding creative ways to expose people’s weaknesses, gossip, slander, alienation, and isolation of their victims”.

Now, this, not a Blog Post intended at bullying social bullies, into not bullying you. Instead, I have compiled this post to encourage you (The victim)…to be strong and tenacious in living intentionally despite these people who are ambitiously trying to confiscate your Copenhagen.

Here’s how:

Concerning your failures

Please become comfortable with the fact that failure is an INEVITABLE FACT. Nobody is immune from it. Whether it is in your career, relationship, or diet (Me-Presently).  Now, sometimes, said people, will try and exploit your failures to secure social capital. When this happens, I want to say two things:

  1. Rest assured that they have failed too!
  2. Don’t give krag weg!!

Also, people in your company are not as oblivious to life as you think they are. Exploiting your failures, really only makes them look bad, not you! Cheer up…

Concerning your weaknesses

Failure and weaknesses are kinda closely linked, our weaknesses can generally do two things, propel failure or propel success, but that’s another post.  In this case, your weaknesses will be rigorously categorized according to what you wear, what you do, your hair, your bf/gf and as you get older your pay grade will become a determining factor. Low blow right? I KNOW!

Back to you…learn to become comfortable in your own skin, and if you’re not, please START. Learn to like yourself enough to block out the noise of people who are trying to convince others not to.  Funny enough, the only reason why they’re exposing you, is because you’re their weakness.

Don’t believe me? What’s that dumb thing boys do again when they secretly like you:

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The  Gossip

I’ll just leave this here: ‘Those who gossip to you gossip about you” or “What Susie said about Sally, says more about Susie than it does about Sally”.

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Universally, everyone knows this. It’s just in real-time people generally find gossip pleasurable, but overtime, or the very next day, motives are questioned and intensely analyzed.

The Slander

Gossip has the mythical principle, Slander is head on assaulting character. I usually nip this in the bud as soon as it happens. Now be clever! Don’t go and ask the person ‘What did you say about me”. Get to the foundational thing man: Why did you say that about me?

Then instead of being dramatic, (like you thought I would suggest ne?). Try and find a way to resolve the matter. Anything else will just aggravate it. So chill.

The Alienation and Isolation

Great! This presents you with the opportunity to do some housekeeping! Weed out the people who think you’re not good enough and embrace those who do. You don’t get to be the social butterfly, you get to run away from them! Besides, it’s too much work! Days of admin goes into one social event. Definitely, not my kinda fun, surely not yours!

In other news, this is way too many words and I am probably a leading factor in why people hate to read. Just know that you are awesome, at least I think you are!

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Tatum-Lee is a Born Again Christian, qualified Writer and Content producer who resides in Cape Town, lives on Facebook  and reads books for breakfast

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