The People Pleasing Syndrome.

By: Tatum-Lee

I recently spent a lot of time doing some real introspection. It involved a lot of running away from the truth, but eventually, I stopped being a sissy and just asked the Lord to show me all the cracks in my character, in my heart and in my soul, and it was pretty deep, pretty ugly and very real. I am talking about those skeletons, you thought you laid to rest years ago, but after all these years you find yourself in a space where you’re still in mourning…

I always use to tell my friends ‘How can you say you don’t care about what people think of you?’. To me it was such an ignorant statement to make, I mean I cared! It sort of provided me with a perimeter that I could not  cross, a framework for who I was and it helped me not to do irresponsible things.

I made sure that my choices lined up with what people think of me, I needed you to know that I am doing exactly what you think I am doing. It affected my relationship choices, I would not date you if, according to society, you’re the wrong fit. You could give me all sorts of butterflies, but what people thought about you, trumped that. My career choices revolved around people, I was so afraid of disappointing anyone, but somehow I kept disappointing myself deeply.

I was a people pleaser and never really asked the one person who I should trust what He thought. Because , sometimes, you know, people say no! And God says yes, and this was my problem, are people going to understand that God said yes? How will I make them understand? This behavior was tiresome, unhealthy and harmful. I know that now…but my message to you is:

It may become so difficult as a child of God to block out the opinions of people…But when you are confronted with difficult choices about your life, relationships, a career, the only choice you have to make is to ask God what He thinks. The word instructs us clearly on this:

James 1:5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

Psalm 121:2 My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

Isaiah 22:11 Between the city walls, you build a reservoir for water from the old pool. But you never ask for help from the One who did all this. You never considered the One who planned this long ago.

The main reason why we always so unhappy with our choices is because we accept the WRONG opinions without asking the Lord what His opinion is or checking whether our choices line up with His word. The voices , the gossip, the talk will always be there, but they are not what is important, they are not what matters most in this life and Who cares anyway?

I have since made a few changes to whose opinions to accept and whose  to disregard. First, on my list of acceptance, is asking God. As long as my choices line up with His plans for my life. I am at complete peace and when it doesn’t it really really sucks, but He is God and what He says is the law of and for my life.

If you find yourself suffering from the ‘people pleasing German measles’ , you can get over it, you can get through it and you will. The very first step is Putting God at the top of every list you’ve ever made…When we are Jesus centered, we are not caught up in trying to do what will make our friends happy. We are completely focused on what will make God happy.


Tatum-Lee is a Born Again Christian, qualified Writer and Content producer who resides in Cape Town, lives on Facebook  and reads books for breakfast. She makes a conscious effort to remain on top of the news and is equipped to produce all kinds of content, works exceptionally well with briefs and makes people look Kwaai on Facebook.


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