Bordering on the rejection of being unfriended? Me too

There are many reasons why this is relevant and below I will explain why. I have, on many occasions,been  the perpetrator of these crimes, on a daily actually! This blog post was inspired by a whole lot of guilt, denial and with the hopes that many of you won’t be as annoying as I am  :).

Its your 5th post for the day…STOP

Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! You cannot possibly clutter peoples news feed like this.Although your every move is breaking news to you , its not to your friends.In fact , most of them are so close to unfriending you. Right now , should be the perfect time to put this to an end. If you reading this thinking , you don’t do this. You probably do! Useful tip: don’t post what you reading, or listening to. That should narrow it down. Oh , we also don’t need to know what you thinking about. Yuck!

Poke wars

You poke me , then I poke you. Then what? Is there a certain signal this sends? Are you hitting on me? Where are you poking me? This is so weird. In fact Mark Zuckenberg totally screwed up with this one. We are confused. Don’t poke me , it’s not fun and you look really dumb. ‘The poke poem’.

But you next to me

I’m sorry , but did you not see me next to you? Please don’t write on my wall and you next to me, opposite me or in the same vicinity as me. It’s a bit needy. Now , come on over let me give you a hug.

It’s not your post! OMW

Do not throw shade on somebody else birthday , congratulatory or celebratory post. If you really want to acknowledge the person involved. Go onto their wall and do it right. You cannot comment on somebody else post, then have the audacity to  have an even better wish than them. It’s really so rude , I want to report you but Facebook does not have the ‘shady’ person option. Jy’s ombeskof.

You have exceeded your word count

When I see the ‘show more’ option. I stopped reading. Are you really telling me there is no simple way to say what you are saying! We talk about how annoying you are all the time. There is a special place for you , in parliament, writing the presidents SONA speech. But here , darling …nobody reads it(Note to self). Cries*.

If you added me as a friend

Please don’t inbox me like this:

“Hi my name is”…I can see your name. I know your name. Irrelevant. Tell me something interesting, like how gorgeous you think I am. Thus your invite.  Thank You 🙂

Thanks for accepting

Stop! This sounds like you just opened your account yesterday and you ‘skarreling’ for friends. Be chilled. I see you…no need to bombard me with appreciation. Its weird and super needy.

Man crush Monday 

You have a new crush every week . Are you thirsty? We can’t keep up with you anymore. In fact , I hope I don’t run into you at the mall , with ‘bae’ of the week, to afraid I call him on the wrong name! Gentlemen this goes for you too. Its very annoying and really awkward.

You just gonna like it

Oh! So I take the time to write on your wall.But you just liked it? Must be nice! That was the last wall post you’ll get. To rub further salt into my wounds, when one of your friends, comment other than you! Well at least SOMEBODY appreciated my efforts. You rude man!

Then there’s you

“Life’s most urgent question is : What are you doing for others”

Only problem with this is …Its not yours! You are undermining peoples intelligence, relying on ignorance and a thief. You can’t claim you said it. We see you , also don’t copy words of memes and make them your own , or off image quotes. This is Facebook! If you like something share it, reference it , don’t steal it. Gosh. But in the event that this is actually , don’t do it again man. We know the truth.

The time traveler

Don’t check in Camps Bay and I see you in Hanover Park. I feel embarrassed for you. Firstly , why are you lying? and if you are lying , stay in the house. Nobody will see you, Dan kan jy ma al aan Camps Bay!

There is another fallacy under the sun…

Did you know that Facebook, through the help of your android and a notification that you have turned on (location setting) , can pick up exactly where you are and adds this to your posts? In the event that you do lie , its gonna show.Yip! This is a common mistake , that’s been exposed on a regular. But we don’t tell you because its just too awkward!

Too cool to reply ne?

Inboxed you about a week ago. Meanwhile you uploading pics all day , everyday and my message is just decorating your inbox. I see you! Sies

Any things I missed , that have been annoying you? Like , share comment.