Bus etiquette 101

By: Tatum-Lee Louw

If you’re like me and use public transport daily, because your budget won’t allow your independence to flourish, then I’m sure there are things that pain, annoy and anger you about fellow commuters. Based on observation and of course years of experience, I have compiled a list of don’ts.

#1 Don’t hog the seats

I get that when you initially got on the bus it was empty. However, when it starts filling up and you’re sitting on a three seater, please don’t give me ‘the look’ when I sit down next to you, its weird. These seats are open to the public and are not RSVP’d unless your handbag is paying, I suggest you put it on your lap.By the way, when I do eventually get next to you , please move up! Because the way your hips are rejecting my existence next to you right now is offensive!

#2 Keep ‘catch up’ to a minimum

I get that we haven’t seen each other in a while. But did you not see my earphones plugged in? Keep all conversations brief, most times when people are on their way to work they just busy waking up, have a playlist jacked up for the ride to work, or they come home and tired. Take my number, but please let me be.

#3 On the issue of sleep

I get that you tired, in fact driving on the bus makes you even more tired. But if you don’t have a window seat . You cannot rest your head on my shoulder. Firstly, I don’t know you and secondly , it’s very creepy. Useful tip: Cross your arms, rest them on the seat in front of you and sleep. It won’t bother anyone. If you do have the window seat, well done and Good night.

#4 Your headphones

I don’t even understand how your ear drums are still fully functioning. Look, listen to anything you want, but when its on blast and I am sitting next to you. It’s very annoying, in fact sometimes I can hear you playing ‘Big girls don’t cry’ from  way in front. Try and keep your music to yourself, just in case your preferences suck or you infringe on my inner peace.

#5 On the issue of Music

It’s 2016, why are you playing your music a loud. As if we drew up a play list of hits we’d like to jam on en route to work. It’s so lame… borrow ear phones or bring along a  book to read to substitute your sudden urge for karaoke. Please just stop it.

#6 Did you know?

You can actually eat your Chappies bubblegum, without blowing bubbles, making bubbles or popping bubbles? WOW! Everyone is annoyed. It is distracting and super irritating, hearing this repetition of ‘pop’s in our ears. Meanwhile, you just go on with life as if nothing happened? Focus

#7 I know your family 

You have spoken so frequently about your family. I know who Zain’s girlfriend is, where he goes to school and that your mother in law is really annoying. Also, I know where you stay and I bump into you frequently. I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but how can I ignore you, even your voice resonates through the entire bus. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’ll def be at Zain’s 21st birthday, because we all know Muslim samoosa’s are the future.

Any more annoying tendencies I should add to this list?

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